I've Been Quiet

“I have had enough, Lord,” he said. 1 Kings 19:4

I’ve been quiet, and not just in this space. When life feels hard, I tend to hermit. My introvert self retreats even more, not just embracing being a homebody, but needing time all alone.

The last six weeks have been exhausting. As I take an exhale, I have to say that actually the last nearly four years have been hit after hit. From my own off-and-on chronic pain, to life altering medical emergencies for a family member, and a plethora of other circumstances that feel heavy and hard.

Recently, a friend reached out to me about the upcoming death anniversary of her dad. I’d just read a passage in my Bible reading plan that felt like the perfect encouragement, timely and fresh in my thoughts.

“It’s a broom bush season,” I told her, “lean into it.”

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So Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah to say, “May the gods deal with me, be it ever so severely, if by this time tomorrow I do not make your life like that of one of them.”

Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there, while he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.” Then he lay down under the bush and fell asleep.

All at once an angel touched him and said, “Get up and eat.” He looked around, and there by his head was some bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again.

The angel of the Lord came back a second time and touched him and said, “Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you.” So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God.

1 Kings 19:2-8

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Just one chapter before this, Elijah had his epic showdown with the prophets of Baal, when God lit the wet firewood from heaven, revealing himself as the one true God. Right after this incredible victory, Elijah told King Ahab to get into his chariot and return to Jezreel because the years of drought were about to be broken by a great rain.

1 Kings 18:46 says the power of the Lord fell on Elijah, and he tucked up his cloak and ran ahead of the chariot to Jezreel. No small feat, as Elijah ran ahead of a chariot for 17 - 19 miles.

And then, right after these great revelations and experiences of God’s goodness and strength, Elijah is running again — but this time for his life.

The great prophet goes from an incredible high to this absolute low, dropping in defeat under a broom bush and telling God that he’d had enough and to take his life.

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Here’s the anchor to hold to if you’re feeling the whiplash of highs and lows in life, or the weariness of one struggle after another.

God does not rebuke our weariness and struggles when we feel we’ve had enough.

Instead, God demonstrates that he shows up in our seasons of stillness to care for us.

He cares for our physical needs and our emotional needs.

He shows his faithfulness and his mercy in equal measures of greatness.

We can rest in our broom bush seasons, leaning into the laments.

We can be honest with him, and we can expect that he will sustain us, hold us, and care for us. There’s no need for a plastic smile or mask when it comes to our Father.

When we’ve had enough, we can tell the Lord exactly how we feel, and have grace on ourselves for our broom bush seasons.